I love great questions.
This week I realized how great a question “what do you need?” is -
I wasn’t really listening to the conversation between two colleagues until I heard Iqbal ask Janet: “What do you need?” There was a moment’s silence after which Janet succinctly described what she needed and Iqbal replied with constructive advice on how to approach the situation that they were discussing.
My reflection has been on the subtle difference between asking “How can I help you?” and “What do you need?”. The second question moves the responsibility from me trying to figure out how I can make your situation better, to requiring you to be specific about what help is required. It removes the interpretation in my own mind of the situation to clarity for all parties about what is needed. From this, you are likely to find the answer for yourself or the discussion can move on to possible suggestions of how the need can be met. It ends up being a great engagement simply because of a great question.  
“What do you need?” can be an empowering, inquisitive question in the mix of all the other self-talk that goes on in your mind. It can be a split second of interrupting your thinking and getting clarity in your own mind. This enables you to share clearly with others what you need, not only helping you to articulate yourself clearly but also helping other understand you. Clearly, a win-win situation!
Try out the question. Ask yourself. Ask other people. I think it will positively change the way you engage with others.

​During the last challenging 4 weeks, I literally felt that I was slowly but surely sliding all the way down Maslow’s triangle – it was a very interesting experience for me. Given my knowledge of the impact of change on an individual as well as the human needs that must be fulfilled, I was acutely aware of closing down until I did not want to see or speak to people and was solely focused on getting through one day at a time.
 
I know also though, that focusing on the positive and deliberately looking for people and things to be grateful for, is critical in any challenging situation. Despite the challenges, I found much to be grateful for, to appreciate and to be positive about.
 
I did my rainbow assessment again with the view to taking stock and setting goals for the new year. From the attached photo, you can see what my rainbow looked like in February and what it looks like now! I am pleasantly satisfied with myself. Usually taking stock results in identifying areas of improvement but as you can see, it also gives evidence of progress which is good reason for celebration! There is no resting on one’s laurels though and I have new goals, am gathering new energy and looking forward with appreciation and gratitude. 

Do you also get tunnel vision when you are having challenging times?

​One of the definitions of tunnel vision is “single minded concentration on one objective”.
 
In itself, this sounds like a positive, constructive approach.
 
However, when the objective is energy-draining, stressful and filled with negativity, such focus tends to result in losing context of the bigger picture. To me, it feels like my whole existence is consumed by the stressful and challenging experience and it tends to explode to a size that, realistically speaking, is waaay out of proportion. I forget to count my blessings and be grateful for all the wonderful people that I have in my life. Continuing on this path only leads to victim mentality and feeling sorry for myself.
 
What is helpful to me is that I know now that emotions are the results of thoughts. Changing how I think is key to changing how I feel. It sounds simple but it requires determination, persistence and works well if I can find something else to focus on. I also understand that sometimes getting out of that tunnel isn’t just a quick leap, it’s clawing my way out slowly emerging and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
 
I learnt this during my coaching training and through helping clients work through challenging times, with the view to improving how they respond to new challenges when they crop up.
 
We can’t be without challenges, they move us out of our comfort zone and teach us valuable life lessons.
 
What we can do is learn to face them as a victOR and not as a victIM.